One month ago today i thought Ben was still alive. I was excited to be finding out if the baby was a boy or a girl. Instead i found out the baby had no heartbeat!
This has been the longest month of my life. I miss him so much, growing inside of me. The flutters that would now be kicks. Why can't he just be inside of me living, growing? I see all of my friends and family who are still pregnant and all around the same months I should be and i get so jealous and so sad! I'm not mad at them or wish bad on them I just mourn what i lost and seeing them is a constant reminder of where i should be and I'm not! I hate feeling that way, but I'm told its natural and will heal with time.
I am suppose to go back to work tomorrow. I don't see how I can. I don't want too, i have no desire to. I only agreed because I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. I don't want to let anyone down. I can't explain why I feel this way about going back but I just do.
Tomorrow I would have been 23 weeks...Tomorrow makes 1 month since Ben was born.
oh mama, my baby died the day after yours. i am right there in the trenches with you :(
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