Was not a very good day.
It seems like everyone keeps asking me about everyone else. My sister, Sister in law, best friend.... I am so tired of people talking to me about EVERYONE else who is pregnant or having babies. ITS SUPPOSE TO BE ME! I want to tell you about how I'm feeling, how the baby is kicking, how we are counting down the days... but no instead i am having to smile through the pain while answering the agonizing questions your asking.
I struggle so much with the emotions i feel. I want to be happy, i am happy for everyone else. But at the same time i want to be going through it too! I struggle with guilt, jealousy, feelings of "be positive or it wont happen for you!" All these things go through my mind constantly. Am I focusing to much on the negative? Am i thinking to much about having a baby? Why can't i just move on?
It's so frustrating...
why you can't "just move on" is because this barely just happened to you. you are so very NORMAL in all your feelings. it is supposed to hurt a lot right now, because this sucks! it sucks more than anything else most people around you have gone through. i just keep reminding myself that people are insensitve because they don't know any better. they haven't had anything that resembles what happened to you or me happen to them, so they are clueless. you will have another baby . i know how much you want one, because i feel the same way. is there anything else you can do to help take your mind off TTC , so it dosn't drive you batty? i have been doing all kinds of hands on art to give me something to DO, so i don't obsess. anyhow- grace and peace to you mama-
ReplyDeleteliz
I feel the exact same way! I wish people would be more sensitive to people who have lost a baby and know that talking about new babies or pregnancy is the last thing we all want to hear or talk about. It hurts too much! I want to be happy and I feel guilty for not. It's so emotionally exhausting. Just know all your feelings are completely normal and you have every right to feel that way. Thinking of you and sending lots of love.
ReplyDelete