Well at least my body is getting to be. I had my 1st post birth period this past week. It ended today. When it first started I was actually pretty up beat. I figured my body would act like it always does and wait a few months, then I'd have a period and it would skip a few months again. So i was very happy to see my body actually doing what its suppose to do.
Then the reality of it all hit me, period = no pregnancy! Which is something I knew already. I knew i wasn't pregnant anymore BUT it was just a huge slap in the face. Every time I would go to the bathroom, SLAP, every cramp, SLAP, buying pads at the store SLAP!!!
I cried a lot last week. I haven't cried that much since right after Ben was born. I just want to still be pregnant so badly, I just want him back inside me! I know its pointless to keep wishing that, one would even say not that healthy for me either but i can't help it.
My sister is having my nephew next week. Up until this week it really wasn't bothering me. She was so much farther along then me. I didn't feel like we had a bonding pregnancy experience. Sure it was fun to think about having kids close in age(mine are much older then hers) but it wasn't the same. Now I'm getting anxious. How will I react when I hold him? I know everyone will be watching me. They keep telling me if I don't want to be there I don't have to go,etc they all understand. So i know people will be waiting to see how i react. I want to be there, just now that its so close I'm just so unsure how i will handle it all...I guess we will see next week.
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Mama Loves & Misses you Benjamin.
I feel for you, I really do. Everything feels like a slap in the face lately. I hope things go well with your nephew. I'm thinking of you a lot. My SIL will have her baby in May and I'm already dreading and wondering how I will react. It seems so selfish to me. I hate we all have to think about things like this. Many hugs to you! I know one thing-you'll be a great Aunt! :)
ReplyDelete((hugs)). when i got my first period after delivering Calvin, i did a lot of crying, too. it will become more bearable, eventually. it's just that it's also another reminder of what we've lost, another slap in the face is an appropriate term. i'll be thinking of you next. i hope meeting your nephew goes well. although it will be weird to have everyone watching you, i think it's good that they are trying to be understanding that it could be very difficult.
ReplyDeleteyes to all of this- i just started yesterday. first period since Aquila's death. and yes, yes to everything you said. my sister in law is due in a few months, so i feel you there too.
ReplyDeletei am sorry that this sucks so much.
Thanks ladies for the support.
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